diary of a mad handyma'am

Right in the neighborhood. It's been going on for days. I expect it to run into the weekend.

Tasha is entirely freaked out. She soooooooo hates it. Therefore, she sticks to me like glue.

It's getting hot in here. Actually, it has been hot. Damn hot nearly everyday I've worked on the wiring it's been hotter than.... well, not hell but.... you know. Hot.

Signed the contract with the heating and cooling company. They will start work near the end of the month. $8,082.00 for a high efficiency Lennox natural gas furnace and central air conditioning, including all of the duct work and gas lines inside the structure. Came in within the budget. No surprises.

Next step: line up the trench work and the underground gas line leading into the new construction. Then electrical lead in and power inspected and ready to roll. Lights! Powered outlets! After that, plumbing. Also, purchase of lumber to partition rooms downstairs and if I think long enough I am sure I'd think of something else.

M kneeled near the garden planting pots of flowers she had bought earlier today, digging intently with a small hand held garden implement. The earth was hardened by lack of rain coupled with heavy equipment compaction from the building project.

Today it appeared indicative of how hard life can get. How hard it can be. I suppose it's like this a good deal of the time in one way or another, but.... this was in reflection of the past few days. We have come so far and have a way to go.

A year ago we were driving here. M and the kids were moving from Arizona to live here with me. We had ideas of what life could be. Dreams of simplicity.

It could be a day that falls into place when you aren't expecting it. Simple things. A good cup of coffee. A quiet moment. A preoccupied mode when suddenly, you take notice. A smile. A touch. A splash of color. Fluid movement. Something special that has an amazing effect in a flash.

As I first walked past her planting this evening, my mission was the Outback Inn inspection. Examination for adding an underground feeder to run an electrical circuit. Uh-huh. More electrical. Wiring can fuck off.

Since this is the year anniversary of the relocation and establishment of the new family we've realized how far we've come. How difficult such changes can be. We have the added stress of a few critical life or death moments for M this past year, and.... the tension of building a massive addition. Two GIANT things. Hard to ignore. You are hardly unaffected as you plod along. It's accentuated. As in very.

All kinds of things will go through your mind. M has probably thought, "what in the hell have I done," on more than one occasion. Just this past week M cracked me up by saying.... it was exciting being around me because I am different....

It's funny because we ARE so different from each other. It makes for some interesting scenarios. M is very structured. Quiet. Organized. She wears blue nearly every day. It's unusual if she doesn't have something blue on. Her closet is full of white and blue things. A few black things thrown in for good measure. She is well-ordered. Things have a place.

"Why don't we finish this first before you start that," would be something she might say. In fact, I am pretty sure she did say that once. Probably more than once.

In fact, I might have started 5 things that day. Didn't get any one of them completed at the end of the day.... but, I might still consider that a productive way to spend my time nonetheless. Why? Because the day held some amusement merely by the change itself. I like something about that. While M likes to get things done and stay on schedule. I am admittedly haphazard and prone to tangents.

Yeah it is true. I prefer deviation from the rules. I have no prior criminal record although my closet is full of yellow, orange, red and black. A bit of blue and a bit of white.... but, just a nip of each.

Yes, M is the quieter one. A few times she has said that I wasn't talking much. Said it right out loud. Yeah. She notices things like that. Since I am generally not as quiet, when I am.... she inquires. Are you OK? Is something wrong?

Hmmmmmmm. Yes, I am actually quiet at times. Sporadically speaking. Not as quiet as a mouse. But, not much noisier than the dog. There are times when listening is just best. There are times you need to listen, even if it is simply listening to your own thoughts.

Still, we've had moments where we'd feel like this is what we thought it would be like. Yeah. It happens. Momentary nirvana. But, predominately we are still trying to figure each other out. Frequently it's hysterical.

Lately I have been wondering, what will happen next? What wonder does the coming year hold?

Please, let it be good.

July 10, 2003

Another day in the hole. My basement office holds so little appeal generally speaking.

Still.... if it wasn't for Frank my porno downloading colleague, I would have nowhere to go and safely smirk. It's so much easier to smirk when you are in your office alone.

Today my computer kept me entertained by displaying the blue screen of death intermittently. The putty colored bastard. Why is it when you have deadlines and want to smoke through a project the machine seems to be playing these games? Ever got the blue screen while playing solitaire?

Has anyone dropped blue as a favorite color because of this?

::: and THAT is about the extent of how much I want to think tonight :::

tell me something..... anything.

July 27, 2003

WTF, eh?

Damn. Still breathing last time I checked. Yes. I must be still be alive.

Progress is purportedly about moving forward.... yet, often enough, it seems time is suspended. Still, that is better than complete regression. Isn't it?

The heating and cooling people just about have their work completed. All except for the trenching for the main gas line into the structure. And, we are set to talk about that tomorrow. They quoted me 1200 bucks to do that part of the job and, well.... I told Tim - the main guy I have dealt with - that he is gonna have to work with me on that ridiculous price. He said he would and I believe he will, it's simply part of the ongoing game. We shall see. BUT, I would rather have them do the entire job rather than have to more hands in on it. Currently, I am dealing with plenty of people. I'd rather not add others if we don't have to.

The electrician, Craig, will be here at some point this soon to put up the electrical box. Today I ran another circuit to the furnace, and will wait until he shows up before I run the electrical to the Air Conditioning unit. The trench is 80% dug for the lines coming in for the box.

The bathroom fixtures arrived last week. They are boxed and sitting in the garage. Exquisite.

Finally, I have the name and number of a recommended plumber. At some point before the snow flies I plan to talk to them about the job. Although, the job may not be started until spring, there is some planning necessary to do the job.

There are so many more little details involved in this project. I won't even go into it. Only because by typing the words that would describe my project angst, that would be painful in itself. Perhaps at another time.

Today I am tired. Emotionally wrung out. Drained.

Time for a vacation from working.

Apropos.