  |
|
|
 
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
|
|
|
|
|
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
|
|
Finally, it rained yesterday. A good half inch in less than half an hour.
We've had a dry summer and an especially dry September. The parched lawns are temporarily satisfied. The hundred birds that take evening refuge in the courtyard trees were singing in celebration. The only problem was that the boys got rained out of soccer practice, and... I got drenched in the rain walking from the Outback to the house during the downpour. Silly me.
As I motored into work this morning, I couldn't help but notice that the black roads wet with rain allowed me to see underneath cars at stop lights in front of me. It was only a bit on the perturbing side to feel as if I had to notice it. But, as usual, I am generally distracted with thought on the drive in anyways. Today I had the added bonus of a visual distraction. I had to will myself to abstain from staring at undercarriages.
Once I moved beyond the visually deflected state, I couldn't help but to meander around to the typical lost in thought scenario. I am so content with my life as it is today that it pasted an effortless smile on my face. Life with M and the boys is grand. I truly am incredibly blessed. To that I sang silent praise. To joy. To the unmitigated and most welcome joy. My spirit is alive and well.
Yay!
We skipped out on our habitual ritual last night. The one known as the spa. So far we've only missed a couple of days since we've had it. Damn. And tonight we may miss out due to rain. Not that rain alone would keep us out, but.... the lightning that may accompany it surely will. Life is good. But, I'd rather not tempt a lightning strike while sitting in the spa. I mean, I am feeling lucky but..... welllllll.... you know. No sense in fucking up good karma now.
Oh shit. Hurricane Lili is set to hit the U.S. this week. It's been upgraded to a category 4 hurricane. Wind gusts are up to 155 mph and it's expected to hit land Thursday afternoon. It appears that the warm water in the gulf is strengthening it. Not good. This is a life threatening hurricane. Hitting Louisiana hard with 10 to 20 feet above normal tide levels.
Given the precarious bayou situation there, this isn't going to the ease the erosion of coastal wetlands. As it is, according to the National Wetland Research Center, Louisiana loses about 35 square miles a year of natural wetlands. With New Orleans metropolitan area sitting below sea level - it's surely a geological disaster waiting to happen.
Say a little prayer. No wait - a big one.
Fall is upon us just as I began to wonder where in the hell the year went. As I walked the trails this afternoon, I noticed the trail floor lined with various leaves. Only a few with bright color in them. Mainly yellows and browns. Dampened by the rain. Wholly Crunch-less.
The kids can hardly wait to get a great big pile of leaves to jump in. So, let's hope they dry out once we have enough. Although I never have jumped into a pile of wet leaves, it doesn't sound too fun. A tad messy even. While you don't care so much that they'll get into your hair, having them stick to so you have to peel them off.... well.... it doesn't quite hold the same allure.
Ended up having to put a new radiator in the Jeep. Bought it on the net on, where else: radiator.com with an alleged < do I sound skeptical? > lifetime warranty, you can't go wrong. A simple install: 5 bolts. But, the drive belt was the wrong size. Par for the course, I busted up a few knuckles on the job and broke a nail. And, after removing the belt once and attempting a switch that didn't work, I reinstalled the old one. I still haven't got around to putting the new one on. Although part of the reason is because I just got the new belt last Saturday, another part is because I just didn't feel like doing it. I'm like that sometimes.
Update:
We just got in from the spa. Whew. The water was 100 degrees and a lovely cold rain was coming down. Quite a sensory contrast. It felt rather exhilarating.
I love that damn thing.
.
.
.
Last weekend we went to an apple farm. We watched them make apple cider and the kids played in some hay bales. Believe it or not, much to my amazement, it was the first time that M ever saw apples growing on a tree.
My brother, his partner, and his two kids met us there. We sat outside and ate doughnuts and drank apple cider and laughed a lot. About what? I don't remember exactly, but I remember all of the smiling faces. The only strange thing about it was that as we sat outside on the all plastic furniture eating and drinking, there were these two guys playing what I could only call: electric guitar dinner music. Dressed in dark polyester and playing around all of this white plastic, they seemed totally out of place. By all rights, they should have been in some cheesy lounge somewhere. Someone should have been drunk.
My 15 year old niece is learning to play an electric guitar. I quietly pointed out to her that one day.... this could be you.
Except that Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Manson isn't exactly apple cider music.
.
.
.
Details.... details.... details....
GOODGOD.
The state of the world has me wondering again. Why is the U.S. seemingly the self appointed police of the world? Why are we "it"....?
The Bush administration is currently trying to lead us into believing that attacking Iraq is the right thing to do. I am happy to know that right now, the majority of Americans aren't buying into it. Neither are other countries in the world. Unfortunately, he seems bent on it. Unfortunately, I believe eventually we will do it. Bush doesn't like being told "NO" any more than he likes being told, "now wait, hold your horses mister."
While this still looks like a pre-emptive strike to me - and, a possible avenging maneuver for daddy's failings to get Saddam - I just don't feel good about it. I mean, here we are in other countries bombing and killing in the name of political righteousness. Does that make sense to you? We proclaim to want peace, but.... war in itself never seems to bring peace. Not lasting peace.
After the events of 9/11.... our nation became somber for a moment. Peaceful even. And then, we wanted revenge. So we waved our flags with pride and outrage and we sent troops out to hunt for Osama. The vast majority of us understood why we declared war there. We proudly proclaimed we were Americans. Flags became a hot commodity everywhere.
At least for a while we understood. Until it became vague. The war was now on terrorism in general. All terrorists are targets. We needed to lock up and or annihilate all of the terrorists. The trouble is finding them. Yet, within our searching, what does that make us? Warmongers? Or, are we the super-heroes avenging evil? Attack before we are attacked?
Sheesh. I don't proclaim to understand any of this shit. I'm not sure I want to look at it any deeper at it than I have. But, it bothers me. I seemingly cannot help but to think about it. It disturbs me even more so because we have two kids. Two kids that I can't help but look at and wonder how life will be for them. Every damn day I think about that. Every damn day.
From the outside looking in, we seem to be a civilization that is fast becoming uncivil. We seem to be heading to a cold place in time. Is civilization inherently inclined to self-destruct? I wonder. As so many have fallen before us. And we seem to be in an accelerated mode, or.... am I imagining this?
Damn. Is it any wonder so many of our citizens are on anti-depressants?
OK.... I'll have to take a 360 here. This is depressing me.
< and I'm off to count my blessings >
Whoa. I'm back.
I suppose there are plenty of things to worry about if we so choose. Yet, if I choose to look at what I am thankful for, there is plenty there as well.
Today, I am thankful for the little things. Kind gestures. Gentle words. Smiles. Hugs. The gleam in an eye. A gentle breeze swaying a wheat field. Sharing. A good cup of coffee. Laughter. Feeling loved and loving in return. Learning. A whole day without a computer crash. A letter from a friend. Health. Sunshine. Nature. Belonging. My family and friends. Simple comfort when I need it. A warm bed to sleep in. Food to eat. A real partner.
As for the kids..... they should be worrying about nothing. Oh, maybe the rate of ice cream meltdown. Maybe what flavor soda they should have. How they beat the next boss in the Zelda game. Whether or not they can stay up a bit later on Friday and Saturday nights.
Yeah. Stuff like that.
I've been meaning to upload and even to write more.
What happens to the time?
Over the weekend, I did some drywall repair and painting in the Outback. The place is in dire need of a thorough cleaning prior to the arrival of winter. We'll be working on it.
My brother and his two kids came over on Saturday. We all went to my Aunt's place and milled around in the garage where she is selling tools and miscellaneous junk that belonged to her husband. My dead uncle, the one who wrote and/or engraved his name on every single item he bought. Know anyone like that? Got a theory as to WHY?
My brother picked up a few things and we got some metric wrenches and some videos dirt cheap. She's practically giving stuff away.
I'm sure my Aunt could have sold his stuff for more money if she would have had an auction, but.... that's neither here nor there. Everyone told her that but, she has decided to have a neighbor help her price the stuff and sell it little by little. No doubt my dead uncle is in some serious rotation within that grave. He hated it when people as much as touched his stuff. I have found that thought amusing more than once when we were there watching people go through and fondle the merchandise.
After we left my Aunt's house, we took the kids down to the river to try out their new fishing poles. We had Tasha with us and she was having a blast running in the water and jumping like a deer in the tall grass. Fortunately she dried out before we left. Unfortunately, the kids didn't catch anything. But, everyone had fun.
On the drive back, we got a mile from the house and there was a horrendous accident. It was 5 p.m. The accident had just happened and both cars were totaled and in a field near a church. No emergency vehicles were there yet.
OHMYGOD. A driver in a small car blew through a stop sign and was t-boned by an SUV. The people in the SUV crawled out but the lone driver of the small red car was slumped over the steering wheel and pinned in the car. I thought she was dead. From the way the car looked, I couldn't see how anyone could survive it.
We later found out that the driver of the small red car was pronounced dead by the time she reached the hospital by helicopter. She was only 18 year old and from the area. M and I have felt terrible about this ever since we saw what had happened.
What a terrible, terrible tragedy.
Life is temporary. Make the most of it.
YAY for Friday!
Now here's a post to catch up to speed. Let's start with the kids.
Michael and Kyle both seem to be doing well in school. Although for them, the most interesting aspects of being in the 2nd grade have nothing to do with scholarly vision. They have to do with socialization, what was for lunch and how fun recess was. Typical kids.
Earlier this month: Kyle came home and informed us at dinner that a girl on the bus had said, "I'd like to lay in the bed and have sex with you." The message was relayed through another girl.
What? HUH? Errrrrr.... ahhhhh.... now exactly WHAT did she say again?
I try to act calm as I am thinking inside,"OHMYGOD.... what the...?"
"Do you know what that means, Kyle?"
"No.... ummm.... what DOES it mean?"
Flabbergasted for a moment I respond..... "well, at your age it isn't important that you know this."
"But, I'd like to know...."
"Eventually, you will know.... and ummmm.... we'll talk about it...."
"So, when?"
"When you get a little older. Right now it's just too much information. But, I am glad that you told us. Whenever you hear new things - and I'm sure you'll be hearing many - it's good that we can talk about it. Sex isn't necessarily a bad word, but.... it's not a word that should be used by children."
"OK."
M and I still can't believe it. It makes you wonder what this girl was exposed to. And, if she knows what she's talking about at 7/8 years of age. How could she? Unless she has been the victim of abuse, how could she actually know? Maybe she saw something on TV.... maybe she learned from older kids.... I don't know. But, we both were saddened to hear it.
Both Kyle and Michael are quite innocent compared to other children. I mean, my sister's kids know every swear word in the book and they know how to use them. Prior the my new family arriving, I warned them not to be swearing around the boys. So far so good. Of course we know that they will be hearing things at school, still.... we don't want them learning any of it from our immediate circle.
M and I want to raise the kids in a supportive, loving and open atmosphere. We want them to be able to talk to us about everything and anything - without feeling judged and or condemned. We were taken off guard by what Kyle told us, but.... nowadays, unfortunately.... many kids are exposed to far too much at such early ages. We knew there would be things the kids would get from other kids, but.... this seemed a little over the top.
With two 8 year old boys attending public school and living within society today..... there is definitely more to come.
We'll take it as it comes.
Related side note:
After much discussion, M did call the school and report the incident. The principal
called Kyle, Michael and the two girls into the office. 3 of them corroborated
the story as it was told to us. The girl that the story originated from denied
it. They must have informed her parent or parents, as she disappeared from school
for the remainder of that day.
.
.
.
Second kid related incident of the month:
Kyle and Michael arrive home last Monday. The bus dropped them off and Kyle appears at the door with a red face with tears flowing.
What's wrong?
Seems Kyle was a bad boy. He used a piece of a broken toy car that he found to cut his NAME into a seat on the bus.
Kyle? The little innocent child with the curly blonde locks? Yes. Just when you would figure it would be Michael getting into trouble, Kyle fucks up in royal fashion. Neither of us can believe it and both still have these dumbfounded looks on our faces when the phone rings and it's the bus driver calling to report the incident and to inform us that it may cost 65 bucks.
Why did he do it? We don't know. He says he doesn't know. But, he knew better and did it anyway. Little shit. But, hey.... kids are predestined to screw up as they are growing up, aren't they?
As we sit at the dinner table I ask Kyle what he thinks his punishment should be.
A little whimpering, quavering voice peeps up from the direction of his dinner plate, while still looking downward, and says, "5 years without Nintendo...."
I purposely avoid eye contact with M and bite my lip to refrain from busting out in raucous laughter. I deliberately say nothing. M says nothing. I can only assume she is trying not laugh.
M expresses her disappointment in him. At that moment, it's quite clear that he would like to be anyone except for himself. Quickly, I then notice Michael and his bright eyed look of tremendous relief. He has "I'm so happy it isn't me in trouble" written all over his face. Mainly because it usually is him. Today, he sits proudly on the throne of the good son. He's reveling there.
After dinner, we leave for their soccer game. On the way over, Kyle inquires about the condition of his face. "Do I look like I've been crying?" Nope. Ya look fine. Well, they lost the soccer game despite his good looks. That's OK. It's just a game.
We informed Kyle that upon returning home, he would sit down with paper and write a letter of apology to the bus driver regarding the incident. In his own words he wrote it. Prior to writing, we let him know that HE would be paying for the damage to the seat if it was necessary to do so. He has 59 dollars in his bank upstairs. After a heavy sigh, in a small voice he agreed.
When he wrote the letter to the bus driver, the first sentence expressed that he was sorry for cutting his name into the seat. The second two lamented his woe at giving up the money in his black bank. Although he would have preferred not to, we made him read it to us out loud. Again we tried not to laugh. Especially when he read, "signed, bad boy Kyle." But, seeing that the money was such a painful issue to him.... enough to devote two whole sentences.... we later decided that he would be giving us the bank whether or not the school extracts the money from us.
On the way home from soccer he was also informed that as punishment he would be giving up soda on the upcoming weekend. "Noooooooo..... noooooooo.... not the soda!" He boisterously reminded us from the backseat that it was the Nintendo he was giving up. "No. That was YOUR idea Kyle. We didn't agree to that. It's the soda." More grumbling and disappointment emanated from him. The weekend soda was obviously more valuable than the Nintendo. An apparent good choice on our parts.
I've already had a little talk with Michael about not gloating over his soda in the upcoming weekend. I'm certain I'll remind him prior to handing it over. If he follows that advice, all should be well. Fortunately for Kyle, Michael doesn't let his soda linger much. He's a glugger as opposed to Kyle's hour or more of savoring and sipping. It should be less painful where Kyle is concerned.
Alright. End of that incident. That is, until something else comes along. And, you know it will. It's only a matter of time.
As for me.... well, damn. Life has certainly changed, hasn't it? Of course, this added dimension can be trying at times, but.... I am so loving having them in my life. I absolutely adore those kids, and M, too. Sometimes I feel like slapping myself to see if I am dreaming. Now if I only had the time I could do that, eh?
Speaking of time, what in the hell is that? It's like I can barely recall the life I had before this. The one in which all of my time was taken up with one project after another. Hell, for the most part, my tools must feel somewhat abandoned. Of course, there's that part of me that feels guilty about letting some of these things slip. So.... this weekend I plan to attack some little pre-winter chores I've been putting off around the house and yard.
Then again, I may blow off some time on those things to have some family time. I'll tell ya.... these days I hardly recognize myself.
.
.
.
::: moving along :::
.
.
.
My sista...
Over the past few weeks, the big issue with sis is that they have an unwelcome guest in their home. An unwelcome guest that is locked in the basement. Living under the stairs.
.
.
.
A rat.
.
.
.
And, it seems the bugger has proliferated and they have eliminated some of the offspring but not the big kahuna/s. Ewwwwwwww.
Seems she isn't alone with this problem.
In the past few days, the problem has now been eradicated. They found 7 of them, dead after ingesting poison. Seems the problem may have been caused in part by the sewer lines being torn up and replaced on the road in which they live. But, still.... YUCK.
My sister was tripping out mainly because she feels that rats are associated with filth. A fact - yes, except that Sis isn't filthy, nor is her abode.
It appears as though the rats gained entry from a broken pipe under the porch, and.... after plugging that up and poisoning the intruders.... all should be well. However, it may take many, many days for her to feel safe and entirely uncontaminated again. She has the rat induced heebie jeebies.
I thought about making her a CD and downloading every MP3 song I could find containing the word, RAT. LOL... and although there was enough material to fill the CD, I don't think that in this subject she would or could embrace my twisted sense of humor. So far, I have withstood the urge. Still, I snicker at the thought.
See.... I have not yet changed completely. The twisted parts remain in hiding until something like rats in Sista's house unlock the door to unleash my partially convoluted nature. It's still there underneath everything. And, I must sheepishly admit that I enjoy that wicked part of me very much.
.
.
.
::: another random subject before closing :::
.
.
.
SLEEP
My frequent insomnia has been pretty much under control. Occasionally I have a bad night. Like last night.
I tossed and turned and turned and tossed. Ugh.
M decided to talk in her sleep. Straight up out of a deep sleep - in between my tossing, out of nowhere -she said as clear as day:
"I've only been here for a few minutes. If I had been here for 10 minutes, I would have ALL of the blankets."
Of course, it made me laugh out loud.
Surprised that my laughing didn't even wake her, but.... it didn't.
I've started a fire in the wood stove in the Outback Inn. Looks like M and I will be doing some clean-up out there today. At least beginning, as the place is rather trashed. There's a ton of spider webs, too. Something I am not particularly fond of, but, something that needs to be taken care of as well. Guess I'll de-web the place before she enters. Or..... we could wait for Halloween.
I've got a job for the boys. Picking up wood from the woodpile. Although they won't be stacking it in the woodshed, I've got a different place they can put it. It'll be good exercise for them and, an opportunity to be out in the fresh fall air.
This is one of those days where I really don't feel like doing jack shit. Instead, I'll push myself to get up some momentum because I know things need to be done.
I hate it when I feel like this. But, I believe I am burned out from the week.
.
.
.
Send me a kick in the ass please!
Yesterday, I went into work. Yes.... on an actual Monday I trudged into the office. The reason being, on Wednesday I will be home. The kids have the day off school and, it'll save paying 50 bucks on daycare. It's a simple trade off.
Around 10 a.m., I got a call from M. She was at the medical clinic covered in blotches. A step away from anaphylaxis. They gave her a shot and kept her under observation for an hour. She called me at the office and I returned home. She shouldn't have been driving herself, but.... she did. And, she insisted on driving home and picking up a prescription despite my offer to go pick her up. She could very well be as stubborn and independent as I know I am.
What caused this? We aren't sure. She has an appointment to be allergy tested in about 10 days. She couldn't get in any sooner.
Last night as I lay in bed wide wake, I prayed for her. I truly wish I could take the asthma and all of this mysterious allergic bullshit away from her. Now that isn't too big of a request, is it God? And while I know there are plenty of problems in the world today, maybe you'll find the time for this. This one little thing. Well, you know.... little in the scheme of things for you God. Not so little for me. While I don't usually ask for much in specific terms, I seem to be breaking that rule in this instance. Of course God, it is somewhat of a selfish request because I don't want to lose her now that I've found her, but.... I'd really like a miracle. And, I believe in miracles. Plus, it would definitely advance my faith in prayer. So, you see.... it truly has positive side benefits.
Today, I wonder if God heard me. All I know is that I didn't feel a slap or anything, so maybe. Just maybe.
Poor M. She wants to be the perfect girlfriend. She doesn't believe it when I tell her she is. I'm not sure she ever will. Not even when I responded to her lamentation with, "hell.... why in the world would I want absolute perfection? Take a look at me. I've been broken and reassembled a few times."
And it's true. I have. Yet here I stand. A true testament to imperfection and rebuilding. While she vocalizes a longing to be perfect for me, I believe she is perfectly fine for me. Mostly I think she's even better than I am. And, this isn't meant as a slam to myself.... it's the way I actually see her as compared to myself.
She's milk and cookies, remember? Me.... well.... far from it.
Not that I'm like ultra bad or anything. I'm not. But, I am different.
Alright. Maybe that's an understatement. That being the case, let me stop right here.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
While no one was looking, Tasha prepares for Halloween.
.
.
.
.
She smirks after getting caught crossdressing.
.
. . . . . . . . . . .
.
. . . . . . . . . . . 
